Unsilence The Violence

1.  Why do victims return or stay with abusers? 

  • ​A better question is "Why does the abuser choose to abuse?
  • There is a real fear of death or more abuse if victims leave. Often abusers threaten the life of the victims, as well as the victims family
  • ​A victim's risk of getting killed is greatly increased when they are leaving or have already left.
  • ​On average, three women die at the hands of a current or former intimate parter EVERY DAY!
  • ​Abusers are very good at making the victim think that the abuse is her fault. 


  • You cannot look at an abuser in a crowd and know that they are abusive, but there are some common characteristics:
  •  They insist on moving way too quickly into a relationship
  • They can seem charming and may seem to good to be true
  • ​They insist that you should spend most if not all of your time with them.  They isolate you from your family and friends.
  • They are extremely jealous or controlling
  • They do not take responsibility for their actions and blame others for everything that goes wrong.
  • They criticize their partner's appearance and make frequent put-downs.
  • ​Their words and actions do not match. ​


  • Everyone can speak out against dating and domestic violence.  The problem will continue until society changes their outlook on this type of crime.  We often look at other countries (like the middle east and how unfair sharia law is) and yet this type of violence is happening right here, to people we know.  Based on the statistics, either you, or someone you know has been affected by this type of violence.
  • Step in when you believe that someone you know may be in an abusive relationship.  Don't be afraid to tell that person that what you are seeing is unacceptable and let them know that their lives may be in danger.  People often think "ya, but that could never happen to me"... it happens to people with that same thought process every day! 

(much of the statistical information came from http://nnedv.org/resources/stats/faqaboutdv.html#1whatisdv)